To Change My Life
by Kai-2010
Summary: Tony has a rough week and decides that he needs to change in order for things to get better. AU. Angst and Romance bundled into one! Eventual TIVA. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

To Change My Life by Kai_2010

NCIS. Tony DiNozzo.

Angst/Drama

Summary:

Tony wakes up one day and realizes that he is sick of being the over-grown frat boy and play boy. He decides to come clean to Ziva about all of the lies about the one night stands. He vows to himself to change into a respectable man, the man he always wanted to be. AU. Eventual Tiva ship.

"I plead to change my life just before I dream and wake to realize the change is inside me." -Unknown

Tony wakes up and dreads the next day. The whole week was not good to say at the very least. Gibbs was writing evaluations, McGee was extra cranky, and Ziva would not stop threatening him. He had finally figured out why last night. All week he pretended that he was having dates and he flaunted them to Ziva and McGee. Ziva was furious the third day and he had not seen her smile since then. McGee just brushed it off. The truth was, the last week he was helping one of his frat buddies out. Mike had just found out that he is HIV positive and none of the other brothers would be there for him. It really took a toll on Tony, he was wary of telling anyone in fear of what they would say. That fear was eliminated last night when Mike confessed that his lover, Daniel is dying of AIDS and that it is only a matter of time before his virus progresses. Tony had met Daniel the previous year when Mike's group of friends decreased when he came out of the closet. Mike had just gotten over a nasty divorce. His former wife caught him in bed with Daniel and hit them both with a still hot curling iron. Mike still has the nasty scars since he took the brunt of it. Tony remembers that night like it was an hour ago. Daniel had called him from the ER and Tony found out about his friend's real orientation. He stayed with Daniel and Mike the whole night, he called in and Gibbs immediately tried to figure out what was wrong. The thing was, Gibbs and Daniel were friends, they had both taken a wood shop class together.

Over the last several months, Tony had both Mike and Daniel over as often as he could because they did not have many supporting friends. Tony knew that Daniel had AIDS, he just didn't know how bad it had recently gotten. He was not surprised about Mike's diagnose but Mike was because they had always used protection while having sex with each other. Over the last few days Tony desperately wanted to call in, but Mike insisted on not letting his problems interfere with Tony's work life.

Tony laid in bed and contemplated on calling in, but he quickly got up and got dressed because he knew that if he did, all he would get done would be moping and he would probably shed a few tears. He quickly ate an omelet and drank some juice before he put on his jacket and grabbed his gun and his badge. He quickly locked up and walked out to his car. He was about half way to work before he came upon a gruesome accident scene. A pick up truck hit a small car with a family in it. They were pulling dead children and a mother out of the wreckage while traffic slowly creeped on by. Tony felt like an intruder, someone who was not supposed to be there. He choked back tears and tried to keep up with traffic. Traffic eventually got back to a decent speed, before he knew it, he was going through security at NCIS. He made his way to the elevator and silently hoped for a case to keep his mind busy. He did not want to deal with the stares of his co-workers and he especially dreaded paperwork.

The elevator stopped and Tony looked up and looked at the squad room before stepping off and going to his desk. Gibbs, McGee, and Ziva were all working on paperwork. Gibbs looked up and glared at him.

"You are a half hour late, what the hell happened?"

"There was a horrible accident on the beltway, a truck hit a small car and the whole family died. As traffic was creeping by, I witnessed them taking out the mother and four kids while the father watched in agony." Tony said before he went to his desk and sighed while he was putting away his gear. He sat down and booted up his computer. He glanced at his phone and silently hoped for a better day.

Tony started reading his email when he noticed one from Vance telling him to go up and meet with him anytime today. Tony sighed and closed the program and got up and looked at Gibbs.

"Vance wants to see me, it shouldn't take very long Boss", he says before he makes his way to the stairs and quickly makes his way to Vance's door. The secretary ushers him in through the door and Tony is greeted by the Secretary of the Navy and Vance before he sits down and joins him.

Jarvis looks Tony up and down before he begins to speak. "Agent DiNozzo, it has came to my attention that you do great undercover work. At another branch, there was an incident yesterday than involved a homosexual agent who was beat up in the locker room in the building. I have been informed that there are a lot of people in this agency who do not tolerate homosexual people. I have been talking to Vance and I was wondering if you could "come out of the closet" so to speak?"

Tony feels like his head is going to explode. "Are you serious?"

Vance looks at Tony annoyed. "Yes, DiNozzo, we are serious. We want you to start today. You will publicly announce to the squad room that you are flamboyantly gay."

"What if I don't want to? What if this last week I have been trying to calm my friend down because he just tested positive for HIV and his lover is dying of AIDS. You want to do this, then you find yourself a real homosexual! I am never going undercover again! I lost too much of myself last time and I do not want to destroy my career over this one. I know Don't Ask Don't Tell is gone, but no. I am not doing this!" Tony gets up and leaves Vance's office and goes back to his desk. He takes a few breaths and realizes that he could lose his job over what he just did. He looks over his documents in his computer and looks for his resume' and he finds it.

Gibbs looks up when Vance and Jarvis enter the bullpen, each looking very upset. Vance walks over to Gibbs and says "Your hotshot over there just declined working undercover on a very important case!"

"That is not my problem, it was his choice. Since what happened with Jenny and the frog, I have not forced him to do any undercover work. He's my best agent, I don't want him to do something that uncomfortable."

"You are lucky he still has his job!" Vance storms back to the elevator and Gibbs looks over to his team. McGee and Ziva look very surprised.

McGee speaks up first. "You told off the Director and SecNav? Damn Tony!"

Tony just sits in his chair and gets back to work. He doesn't want to make this out of to be anything more than what it is. If this was yesterday, he would be talking crap about the Director, but he decided that he was going to handle things in a much more mature fashion this time around.

The end of the day fast approaches and Tony had not spoken a word to his teammates. He silently gathers his things and takes the stairs to the parking garage. He makes his way home and he drives by the former accident site. There are four wooden crosses on the side of the road. Tony pulls over and starts to weep. He silently thinks about Daniel soon being a cross, and someday Mike. His heart clenches at the idea of his friends eventually passing away while he is healthy and supposedly happy. He stays there for a half hour and he slowly drives home.


	2. Chapter 2

To Change My Life

Chapter two

Kai_2010

Summary:

Tony wakes up one day and realizes that he is sick of being the over-grown frat boy and play boy. He decides to come clean to Ziva about all of the lies about the one night stands. He vows to himself to change into a respectable man, the man he always wanted to be. AU. Eventual Tiva ship.

Tony slowly gets out of his car and he is suddenly face to face with no other than Ziva. Tony tries to smile, but it doesn't even reach his cheeks.

"Why did you follow me home, Zi?" he asks, not really wanting company.

"I wanted to tell you that I think that you need to stop flaunting your one night stands! It is disgusting and it is not something we should be hearing all of the damn time! I told myself this morning that if you would have continued today, then I would have had this talk with you. I….I need to tell you something. When you flaunt your dates and your sex, it hurts me inside, my heart nearly breaks every time."

Tony does not know what to say. He starts walking towards his apartment building and he ushers Ziva to do the same. They take the elevator up and they eventually end up on his floor. Tony unlocks his door and they step inside. Tony sighs. "Ziva, I need to tell you something, and I think you need to sit down." He points to the couch and he sits down. Ziva soon follows.

"What is it Tony?"

"I have been lying about the dates and the sex. I usually stay at home and watch movies or hang out with my friends Matt and David, who are gay. This week, I found out that Matt is HIV positive and I have been supporting him. David is dying of AIDS, so this is a huge blow to us. They are my best friends and I might not have them much longer. I guess when I started at NCIS, I started dating around and people assumed I was a playboy, I kind of just went with it and I said those things to keep my reputation intact. I am so sorry Ziva, I took things way too far and I should not have."

"I should slap you! Why is your reputation so damn important? Why can you not just be a respectable man like McGee or Gibbs? Okay, maybe not Gibbs, but really? WHY TONY, WHY?"

Tony looks into Ziva's eyes. "I'm so sorry, it should not have been so important, I should not have cared about what people think of me, for some reason, I did. I want to change Ziva, so so bad. For you Zi, for you. I have feelings for you and I am so sorry I have broken your heart so many times. I want to take each piece of your heart and kiss it better and slowly put your heart together again and make you whole." Tony starts to cry because he cannot take the pressure that was building up in his chest anymore.

Ziva sits there in shock. She does not know if she should run or if she should hug Tony. She slowly stands up. "Tony, I need to think about things for a while. I must go now." Ziva quietly exits Tony's apartment and slowly walks to her car. She certainly has a lot to take in and she is confused about how she can go from wanting to punch someone and nearly hating them, to almost loving them and wanting to be with them. She lets out a sigh and gets in her car and drives slower on her way back to her apartment.

Tony sinks down to the floor but quickly gets up and goes and gets his little black book. He goes into his kitchen and lights up his gas oven and starts to burn his book. A few burns and ashes later, he is finally satisfied. He opens up the windows to let the horrid smell out and he lays down on the couch and rolls up into a ball and hopes that Ziva will come around. He starts to cry again and eventually drifts off to sleep.

Several hours later his phone wakes him up, it is David.

"TONY!" Tony can hear him crying.

"What's wrong, Dave?" He hopes it's not bad news, there is not much more he can take right now.

"It's Matt, he committed suicide, I just found him fifteen minutes ago. He overdosed on my anxiety pills and my blood pressure meds." David starts to cry harder. "I did this to him! I gave him the virus! Why him, Tony? Why him? Can you please come over? I don't want to be alone tonight."

Tony starts to cry. This can't he happening…he saw Matt yesterday, and he did not seem suicidal. "Yes, I'm on my way. Please don't do anything Dave, I'm so sorry this happened, and it is NOT your fault. Please stop blaming yourself." Tony hangs up and tries to get up but falls to the floor unable to breathe. The last thing he remembers is Ziva rushing into his apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

To Change My Life

Chapter two

Kai_2010

Summary:

Tony wakes up one day and realizes that he is sick of being the over-grown frat boy and play boy. He decides to come clean to Ziva about all of the lies about the one night stands. He vows to himself to change into a respectable man, the man he always wanted to be. AU. Eventual Tiva ship.

Tony wakes up in his living room and see's Ziva, Gibbs and Ducky sitting on the couch looking at him. He looks at his watch and suddenly gets up. "I gotta go see Dave! He needs me right now!" He then starts wheezing because he moved so quickly. He soon gets light headed and he lays back down again.

Ducky speaks up. "You are going no where lad. Ziva called me frantic and said that you became unconscious. It appears that your lungs are not as healthy as they should be. I called Dr. Pitt, and he suggests we take you to the ER so he can examine you. We decided to wait until you get up. I want you to slowly take some deep breaths okay? I want to hear your lungs."

Tony takes some breaths and starts wheezing again. "This can't be good. I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I had just found out that my best friend committed suicide, I need to be there for Dave, he was Matt's boyfriend. After the phone call, my lungs started hurting and so I passed out." Tony looks at Gibbs. "Can you please call David and tell him that I will be in the hospital. I don't' want him battling this alone. I wish this didn't happen. Stupid plague!"

Gibbs takes Tony's phone and dials, Dave picks up right away. "Hello? Tony, where are you? I really need you, I'm so lost right now."

Gibbs answers. "This is Jethro Gibbs, Tony's friend. Tony is having lung problems, so we are going to take him to Bethesda so he can see his doctor from when he had the plague. If you want, you can meet us there."

"Yes, of course, I'll be there soon. Thanks Gibbs, Tony told me a lot about you. Good bye."

Gibbs hangs up and gives the phone back to Tony. Tony has tears in his eyes. "Should I try getting up again? Or do you think we should call an ambulance?"

Ducky shakes his head. "We will try to take you up there, I don't want a hefty ambulance bill being sent to you Tony."

With help from Ziva and Gibbs, Tony stands up and catches his breath and wheezes a little. Ziva strokes small circles on his back. "You'll be fine Tony, when you get out and after you have talked to David, I need to talk to you about what you said earlier." She blushes and helps Tony out to the car.

Gibbs actually drives speed limit to the hospital, much to Tony's advantage since he is still light headed. They arrive to the Emergency Room and they soon check him in and take him to his room. Dr. Pitt soon comes over to him and takes his vitals. "So, what are your symptoms?" Tony tells him and Dr. Pitt shakes his head. "We will have to do a MRI to see if there is more damage to your lungs. We will probably keep you in the hospital today or until we find out what is wrong and how to teat it."

Tony sighs and Dave comes in. "TONY! Are you okay? Thank you for having Gibbs tell me!" Tony tries to talk slowly without wheezing. "I am having some lung complications, they think that the extra stress lately caused more scaring in my lungs. I lost it when I found out about Matt." "Oh Tony, I'm so sorry! I didn't know!" Tony tries to smile and looks him in the eyes. "No, Dave, it isn't your fault, this would have happened in time. I'm so glad to see you, I can't believe Matt did this, he should have been there for you until the end! It was so cowardly of him!" Tony starts to wheeze and he has tears running down his cheek. Dr. Pitt steps in. "I think it would be best to stay on safe subjects for now. We are going to see how bad the scaring is, then we will go from there. There's a serum we can put into his lungs that will help mend the scaring and get him breathing fine again." Dave nods and sits in a free chair.

Dave and Tony talk for about an hour then a nurse comes in and takes him to his MRI. Dave stays in his room and visits with Gibbs and Ziva. "It's good to see you again Dave, I just wish it was under better circumstances. I'm really sorry about Matt, he was a great guy, Tony really looked up to him."

"Yeah, it's a shame Matt did what he did. I will have to accept it and move on I guess. Last week they told me about an inhibitor that will extend my life several years by freezing the stages of AIDS so it does not get too severe quickly. I was going to surprise Matt, but things did not turn out that way." Dave puts his head in his hands and tears up a little.

Ziva speaks up. "I heard about that inhibitor, they first tried it out in the Middle East and Africa and they had good results with it. I wish you the best of luck." Ziva nods and lightly smiles.

After several minutes the nurse wheels Tony back in. "We have the results and there seems to be fresh scaring in all areas of the lungs. The serum will help repair it and you should stop wheezing soon after you take it. We will put you under a for a little while then we will put a tube into your lungs and administer it that way." Tony cringes. "Oh, don't worry, you wont feel a thing. We are going to go ahead and get it done here soon, is that alright Mr. DiNozzo?"

Tony sighs. "Yeah, that's fine. I just want to go back home and visit with my friend.

The nurse smiles and takes Tony's vitals. "Okay, lets get going, it will be a small procedure, you will only be out for about 10 minutes." She looks over to his visitors. "I will have him back in about an half hour, you are free to stay in here or go eat. Oh yeah, once you are done, you will have food."

Tony makes a vomiting motion with his mouth. "Gee, thanks. Hospital food. Ewww."

The nurse grins. "Actually, we have the best food in town. We have personal chefs taking orders. So you will be able to have whatever you want."

Tony grins and she wheels him to the operating room. Everything goes as planned and soon Tony is back in his room a little groggy. 'I'll have some lasagna, pineapple. Oooh, is it fresh pineapple?"

The nurse nods and smiles. "Yes, they best too!"

Tony grins. "And I'll have some ice cream, it should feel well on my throat." The nurse takes the menu and leaves to place his order. Tony looks over to Ziva. "So what did you want to talk about Zee?" Gibbs and Ducky take that as their cue and tell Tony good bye and leave.

Ziva blushes. "I thought about what you said earlier, and I have feels for you Tony. The thought of being with you as a couple makes me happy, happier than I think I felt when I thought about Ray before we started dating." Ziva takes Tony's hand and kisses it. "I want to be yours and I want you to be happy."

Tony just smiles not believing that the woman of his dreams actually has feelings for him. "What about what I told you earlier? About me lying about everything? You seemed really upset."

Ziva takes a deep breath and answers. "I decided that you are too important to me to get anymore upset. I forgive you for what you said to us all those times, and for lying." She leans in closer to him and slowly starts to kiss him on the lips. He caresses her cheek and deepens the kiss. They stop when the need for oxygen becomes too apparent. "Sorry, my lungs are not as good as they used to be, luckily I am not wheezing like a pack-a-day smoker anymore."

Ziva laughs and kisses him again. They soon find their tongues dueling for dominance with neither of them winning. Ziva lets out a soft moan and notices that she is becoming very aroused. She blushes and continues to kiss Tony softly.

Ducky soon knocks on the door and comes inside, he observes Ziva laying on the bed with Tony and their faces close to each other. "Ah, I see you two are getting along. Congratulations by the way." He winks at them and Ziva blushes.

"Thank you Ducky, where is Gibbs?"

"Oh, he went to get some coffee. I do not know how he will react to the newest developments between the two of you. I hope he will let his famous rule slide. If not, I am deeply sorry for his wrath."

"My wrath over what, Duck?" Gibbs comes inside with a cup of coffee in his hands. He notices where Ziva is laying and his eyes narrow. "You two are together huh? I guess I would be lying if I said I didn't see this coming. I'll accept it, but please keep it out of the office. I do not want you two fighting or kissing!"

Tony grins and kisses Ziva on her cheek. He looks back up to Gibbs. "Thanks boss, I'm glad you are not angry. I have had feelings for a long time. I should have never lied about my dates and one night stands. I should have told her from the beginning that it was her I want in my life and in my bed." Ziva blushes deeper.

Gibbs glares at Tony. "Hey, none of that in front of me!" He then smiles and takes a sip. "It is about damn time that you and Ziva got together. I knew you were lying about all of your exploits, it's kind of obvious. I just wish McGee will find someone, he deserves it. Oh yeah, while I was out getting coffee, I called him. He'll come over tomorrow and see you home. I have a conference with SecNav at MTAC early tomorrow morning. Oh and by the way, they were testing you. For what reason, I don't' know."

Tony glares at Gibbs. "I still can't believe they asked me to pretend I'm gay! That was totally below the belt! I hope I passed because I really need this job."

Everyone else calls it a night except for Ziva, she sleeps in the chair by Tony the whole night. Tony only wakes up a few times in the night to cough and use the rest room.

A/N: I am unsure of how many chapters I will do. I should probably for some kind of plan. Ziva and Tony will definitely be together though J A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited my story, and put this fic on story alerts. Ya'll keep me going!


End file.
